i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
