Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
