Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You can't motorboat a personality
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
