If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
