he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
