I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
