I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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