im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
