youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
