you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
