Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
