Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Farmville is her only friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
