wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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