tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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