So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
