I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
