He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
