What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
