I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
