i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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