my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
