Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
