I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
