he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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