Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
