God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And my parents said I crawled through the house
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
