Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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