Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
