Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
