K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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