I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
