There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ugly people sure do ruin things
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
