We're like a lot better than the average bears
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
