Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
