well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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