If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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