I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
