When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
