I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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