I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
