I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
