youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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