I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I did not marry a roomba.
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