just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
