: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
