I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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