i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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