is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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