i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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