i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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