come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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